I am a foodaholic

My highest recorded weight was 306, this was at a Weight Watchers meeting sometime in my 30s. Almost four years ago, at age 38, I began what turned out to be a revolutionary journey to loose weight. And this morning I weighed 178 pounds.

There's obviously a story behind those 128 missing pounds, which I will get to one day.  I assure you, however, there was no surgery or pills involved. It's a story of exercise and food choices. But if you've struggled with weight, you know the story isn't that simple, or that easy.

Yet tonight, I write in public for the first time, to seek your advice and stories, to give me strength to keep going. I have come to realize that I am a foodaholic. Food is a substance abuse issue for me. After three weeks of healthy food choices to burn off holiday weight gain, I have in three days gained it all back.

Why? Because I have binged for three days just as an alcoholic does. I have eaten everything in the house. No matter that there's nothing terribly "bad" in the house. But I ate it all anyway. A whole box of GoLean Crunch. A loaf of toasted whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly, with Laughing Cow cheese wedges, and as grilled cheese sandwiches. And the post-holiday weight loss is negated.

I feel my four-year battle to get here is slipping away, and I refuse to give up. I am grateful that I have established a rock solid fitness routine, which helps tremendously. I know why I binge, stress eventually gets the better of me. This time it's a new job, and a lurking personal deadline related to my part-time graduate school program.

I've read books and articles about how the brain works. I've written private journals and kept food diaries. I've tried mantras and tricks of all kinds. Yet today I'm feeling more susceptible than ever to my food addiction.

So, tell me, if you understand my pain, what works for you? Because I won't give up. I worked too hard to get here.

A fighter still fighting,
Robin