Breakfast
Oatmeal with sweetener, cinnamon and banana (300)
Coffee with skim milk (45)
Lunch
Tuna salad (444)
Specialty's Deli cookie (400)
Fannie Mae samples (100)
Dinner
Sushi-vegetable rolls (240)
International coffee (105)
Total = 1,634
Exercise = 60 minutes cardio (elliptical)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Food diary
Last night's small victory was offset by today's defeat. From the start today, trapped at home under a blizzard, I gave in by lunch time and binged all day. I will try--once again--to remember this feeling of regret and of nausea, as a means to fight the feeling to binge next time it comes. Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to work on better behavior.
A small victory
Had to work late last night, as the biggest blizzard in 40 years bared down on Chicago. Downtown was a ghost town after 6:00 before I began the miserable walk to the train, and the far worse walk from the train home, with winds so bad they just glided me along the icy roads (only clear space to walk).
The stress of the commute, and work piling up in preparation for vacation was just calling me to eat. I wanted so badly to grab for food the way I assume an alcoholic feels compelled to grab for the bottle.
I know myself, and I know this feeling. A snack of any kind, would just have opened the flood gates to eat everything in the house ... until I felt ill and full of regret. It has nothing to do with being hungry.
Doing something to distract myself indoors isn't an option because I can't concentrate on reading, writing or anything. The weather prevented me from going to the gym (and it closed early, anyway). Yet somehow I did it. I didn't break!
If last night was a challenge, today will be monumental. I'm literally trapped at home buried in two feet of snow. Already, the urges are gnawing at me. But last night was a small victory nonetheless.
The stress of the commute, and work piling up in preparation for vacation was just calling me to eat. I wanted so badly to grab for food the way I assume an alcoholic feels compelled to grab for the bottle.
I know myself, and I know this feeling. A snack of any kind, would just have opened the flood gates to eat everything in the house ... until I felt ill and full of regret. It has nothing to do with being hungry.
Doing something to distract myself indoors isn't an option because I can't concentrate on reading, writing or anything. The weather prevented me from going to the gym (and it closed early, anyway). Yet somehow I did it. I didn't break!
If last night was a challenge, today will be monumental. I'm literally trapped at home buried in two feet of snow. Already, the urges are gnawing at me. But last night was a small victory nonetheless.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Food diary
Breakfast
Oatmeal and cottage cheese pancake with banana and 2 tsp. each peanut butter and Nutella (384)
Coffee with skim milk (45)
Lunch
Tuna salad (444)
Dinner
Greek peach non-fat yogurt with 1/4 cup walnuts (240)
Slice whole wheat toast with Laughing Cow wedge (165)
Total = 1,278
Oatmeal and cottage cheese pancake with banana and 2 tsp. each peanut butter and Nutella (384)
Coffee with skim milk (45)
Lunch
Tuna salad (444)
Dinner
Greek peach non-fat yogurt with 1/4 cup walnuts (240)
Slice whole wheat toast with Laughing Cow wedge (165)
Total = 1,278
Monday, January 31, 2011
Food diary
Breakfast
1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon, sweetener and banana (300)
Coffee with skim milk (35)
Lunch
Greek peach non-fat yogurt with 1/4 cup walnuts (240)
Snack
Apple (75)
Dinner
Pizza! (1,600)
Total = 2,250
Exercise = 60 minutes cardio (elliptical)
1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon, sweetener and banana (300)
Coffee with skim milk (35)
Lunch
Greek peach non-fat yogurt with 1/4 cup walnuts (240)
Snack
Apple (75)
Dinner
Pizza! (1,600)
Total = 2,250
Exercise = 60 minutes cardio (elliptical)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Food diary
Breakfast
Oatmeal and cottage cheese pancake with banana and 2 tsp. each peanut butter and Nutella (384)
Snack
1/2 cup plain yogurt with clementine slices and 1/4 cup walnuts (195)
Lunch
1/2 vegetable panini, sweet potato fries and roasted brussels sprouts (376)
Dinner
Two-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, tomato, red pepper and red onion and slice whole wheat toast with Laughing cow wedge (433)
Candy cane (45)
Total = 1,433
Exercise = yoga class
Oatmeal and cottage cheese pancake with banana and 2 tsp. each peanut butter and Nutella (384)
Snack
1/2 cup plain yogurt with clementine slices and 1/4 cup walnuts (195)
Lunch
1/2 vegetable panini, sweet potato fries and roasted brussels sprouts (376)
Dinner
Two-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, tomato, red pepper and red onion and slice whole wheat toast with Laughing cow wedge (433)
Candy cane (45)
Total = 1,433
Exercise = yoga class
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Giving up certain foods forever
After a binge weekend that slid right into the early part of this week, I'm feeling better and stronger as tomorrow starts yet a new week. This new blog/journal feels like a good tool in my arsenal to keep on fighting.
A radio talk show this week featured an author whose soap box is a belief that exercise and calorie counting do nothing to help us loose weight. Rather, it's as easy as eliminating carbs (mostly the simple kind). He believes the insulin affect on fat is so bad, that those prone to weight gain should simply ban them completely as does someone who gives up cigarettes. "Once and a while" or "just one" doesn't work, he believes.
I disagree with his views on exercise and calorie counting, particularly the former. As a person in her 300s who was known for saying, "I only run if someone is chasing me.", I am today so grateful and amazed for the strength and endurance I've gained from developing a balanced fitness program. I know it will benefit me greatly as I age.
Yet I do believe that for someone like me--with a history of obesity who still treats food as substance abuse--I think it's worth banning simple carbs for a long enough period to see how much I benefit. I'm someone who can eat completely unconsciously. Don't believe me? I've been known to walk into my office kitchen and find a box of public Girl Scout cookies or someone's leftover dessert from last night's dinner party, and will find myself swallowing before I even realize I grabbed a piece.
... as I write, I think I've talked myself into trying. No chips, pretzels, candy or baked goods. Three months, March through May. (I'm out of the country for two weeks in February, so don't trust myself to try this until I return.)
Stay tuned,
Robin
A radio talk show this week featured an author whose soap box is a belief that exercise and calorie counting do nothing to help us loose weight. Rather, it's as easy as eliminating carbs (mostly the simple kind). He believes the insulin affect on fat is so bad, that those prone to weight gain should simply ban them completely as does someone who gives up cigarettes. "Once and a while" or "just one" doesn't work, he believes.
I disagree with his views on exercise and calorie counting, particularly the former. As a person in her 300s who was known for saying, "I only run if someone is chasing me.", I am today so grateful and amazed for the strength and endurance I've gained from developing a balanced fitness program. I know it will benefit me greatly as I age.
Yet I do believe that for someone like me--with a history of obesity who still treats food as substance abuse--I think it's worth banning simple carbs for a long enough period to see how much I benefit. I'm someone who can eat completely unconsciously. Don't believe me? I've been known to walk into my office kitchen and find a box of public Girl Scout cookies or someone's leftover dessert from last night's dinner party, and will find myself swallowing before I even realize I grabbed a piece.
... as I write, I think I've talked myself into trying. No chips, pretzels, candy or baked goods. Three months, March through May. (I'm out of the country for two weeks in February, so don't trust myself to try this until I return.)
Stay tuned,
Robin
Food diary
Breakfast
Slice whole wheat toast with 1/2 banana and 2 tsp. each Nutella and peanut butter (313)
1/2 cup cottage cheese with sweetener and cinnamon (80)
Snack
Free samples at Treasure Island (~200)
Lunch
1/2 vegetable panini, sweet potato fries and roasted brussels sprouts (376)
Chai tea with skim milk and sweetener (35)
Dinner
Two-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, tomato, red pepper and red onion and slice whole wheat toast with Laughing cow wedge (433)
Total = 1,437
Exercise = 5-mile run
Slice whole wheat toast with 1/2 banana and 2 tsp. each Nutella and peanut butter (313)
1/2 cup cottage cheese with sweetener and cinnamon (80)
Snack
Free samples at Treasure Island (~200)
Lunch
1/2 vegetable panini, sweet potato fries and roasted brussels sprouts (376)
Chai tea with skim milk and sweetener (35)
Dinner
Two-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, tomato, red pepper and red onion and slice whole wheat toast with Laughing cow wedge (433)
Total = 1,437
Exercise = 5-mile run
Friday, January 28, 2011
Food diary
Breakfast
Slide whole wheat toast with 2 tsp each Nutella and peanut butter (320)
Coffee with skim milk and Splenda (30)
Snack
Joanne's zoo animal (100)
Lunch
Jimmy Johns veggie sandwich on wheat with dill pickle, and mayo v mustard (512)
Snack
Jimmy Johns chips (300)
Mini Reese cup and mini York Peppermint Patty (97)
Dinner
Glass red wine (125)
Slice whole wheat toast with 1/2 banana and 2 tsp. each Nutella and peanut butter (313)
Total = 1,797
Exercise = Pilates class
Slide whole wheat toast with 2 tsp each Nutella and peanut butter (320)
Coffee with skim milk and Splenda (30)
Snack
Joanne's zoo animal (100)
Lunch
Jimmy Johns veggie sandwich on wheat with dill pickle, and mayo v mustard (512)
Snack
Jimmy Johns chips (300)
Mini Reese cup and mini York Peppermint Patty (97)
Dinner
Glass red wine (125)
Slice whole wheat toast with 1/2 banana and 2 tsp. each Nutella and peanut butter (313)
Total = 1,797
Exercise = Pilates class
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Nutella?
Bad decision. I knew it the moment I put it in my cart, but I did it anyway. I told myself, "it's on sale." On a danger food scale of 1 to 10, Nutella is an 11.
Focus on the behavior, not the scale. I've decided to put the scale away for now. I get too obsessed, weighing myself every day. It gets especially madding when I see a several pound gain overnight form a binge, washing away days or weeks of hard work.
So, no more scale for the time being. I will focus on the behavior. If I'm loosing, my clothes will tell me.
So the Nutella will be a test, whether I can eat it in moderation. And this blog is also a test, to see if journaling to the universe--even if no one is following me--helps me be more accountable to myself.
Always a fighter,
Robin
Focus on the behavior, not the scale. I've decided to put the scale away for now. I get too obsessed, weighing myself every day. It gets especially madding when I see a several pound gain overnight form a binge, washing away days or weeks of hard work.
So, no more scale for the time being. I will focus on the behavior. If I'm loosing, my clothes will tell me.
So the Nutella will be a test, whether I can eat it in moderation. And this blog is also a test, to see if journaling to the universe--even if no one is following me--helps me be more accountable to myself.
Always a fighter,
Robin
Food diary
Early Breakfast
Oatmeal with skim milk and banana (290)
McDonalds coffee with three cream and three Splenda (45)
Brunch
Oatmeal with 2% milk (215)
Late Lunch
Tomato, avocado and cheese sandwich (467)
Afternoon Snack
Mini Reese cup and mini York Peppermint Patty (97)
Dinner
Chobani Raspberry yogurt (140)
Total = 1,254
Exercise = 5-mile run
Oatmeal with skim milk and banana (290)
McDonalds coffee with three cream and three Splenda (45)
Brunch
Oatmeal with 2% milk (215)
Late Lunch
Tomato, avocado and cheese sandwich (467)
Afternoon Snack
Mini Reese cup and mini York Peppermint Patty (97)
Dinner
Chobani Raspberry yogurt (140)
Total = 1,254
Exercise = 5-mile run
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Food diary
Breakfast
Dunkin' Donuts medium coffee, with skim milk and Splenda (25)
Toasted cocunut donut (300)
Lunch
Avocado, tomato and cheese sandwich (467)
Snack
Clementine (35)
Dinner
Hard boiled egg (70)
1/4 bag baby carrots (40)
1/2 banana (53)
1/2 cup plain yogurt with Splenda and cinnamon (60)
1 slice multigrain toast with Laughing Cow wedge (165)
Total = 1,215
Dunkin' Donuts medium coffee, with skim milk and Splenda (25)
Toasted cocunut donut (300)
Lunch
Avocado, tomato and cheese sandwich (467)
Snack
Clementine (35)
Dinner
Hard boiled egg (70)
1/4 bag baby carrots (40)
1/2 banana (53)
1/2 cup plain yogurt with Splenda and cinnamon (60)
1 slice multigrain toast with Laughing Cow wedge (165)
Total = 1,215
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I am a foodaholic
My highest recorded weight was 306, this was at a Weight Watchers meeting sometime in my 30s. Almost four years ago, at age 38, I began what turned out to be a revolutionary journey to loose weight. And this morning I weighed 178 pounds.
There's obviously a story behind those 128 missing pounds, which I will get to one day. I assure you, however, there was no surgery or pills involved. It's a story of exercise and food choices. But if you've struggled with weight, you know the story isn't that simple, or that easy.
Yet tonight, I write in public for the first time, to seek your advice and stories, to give me strength to keep going. I have come to realize that I am a foodaholic. Food is a substance abuse issue for me. After three weeks of healthy food choices to burn off holiday weight gain, I have in three days gained it all back.
Why? Because I have binged for three days just as an alcoholic does. I have eaten everything in the house. No matter that there's nothing terribly "bad" in the house. But I ate it all anyway. A whole box of GoLean Crunch. A loaf of toasted whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly, with Laughing Cow cheese wedges, and as grilled cheese sandwiches. And the post-holiday weight loss is negated.
I feel my four-year battle to get here is slipping away, and I refuse to give up. I am grateful that I have established a rock solid fitness routine, which helps tremendously. I know why I binge, stress eventually gets the better of me. This time it's a new job, and a lurking personal deadline related to my part-time graduate school program.
I've read books and articles about how the brain works. I've written private journals and kept food diaries. I've tried mantras and tricks of all kinds. Yet today I'm feeling more susceptible than ever to my food addiction.
So, tell me, if you understand my pain, what works for you? Because I won't give up. I worked too hard to get here.
A fighter still fighting,
Robin
There's obviously a story behind those 128 missing pounds, which I will get to one day. I assure you, however, there was no surgery or pills involved. It's a story of exercise and food choices. But if you've struggled with weight, you know the story isn't that simple, or that easy.
Yet tonight, I write in public for the first time, to seek your advice and stories, to give me strength to keep going. I have come to realize that I am a foodaholic. Food is a substance abuse issue for me. After three weeks of healthy food choices to burn off holiday weight gain, I have in three days gained it all back.
Why? Because I have binged for three days just as an alcoholic does. I have eaten everything in the house. No matter that there's nothing terribly "bad" in the house. But I ate it all anyway. A whole box of GoLean Crunch. A loaf of toasted whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly, with Laughing Cow cheese wedges, and as grilled cheese sandwiches. And the post-holiday weight loss is negated.
I feel my four-year battle to get here is slipping away, and I refuse to give up. I am grateful that I have established a rock solid fitness routine, which helps tremendously. I know why I binge, stress eventually gets the better of me. This time it's a new job, and a lurking personal deadline related to my part-time graduate school program.
I've read books and articles about how the brain works. I've written private journals and kept food diaries. I've tried mantras and tricks of all kinds. Yet today I'm feeling more susceptible than ever to my food addiction.
A fighter still fighting,
Robin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)